June, 2022 - Trudi Pavlovsky

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So there’s a group of men out there that I don’t think get talked about enough.

There’s the, not all men, men who come and yell and rant and tell women they’re wrong when they’re talking about women’s stuff online.

And then there’s that group of men who are, you know, support. Identify as feminists, um, and, uh, happy to comment and in supportive ways and listen to what women have to say.

But there’s a group of men who say nothing.

I don’t ever feel like we have a talk about the silent men very often.

And I imagined that these men are not all men types with their not all men mates are not all men.

And when they are with their feminist mates, they’re feminist, right?

So there’s these, these men, these men. Yeah. And by silence in my mind, silence is when you’re agreeing with the oppressor. Right?

If you’re talking about

the pay gap
a women’s suffering under the male gaze (especially the first and how old we were when we first felt the male gaze( and you’d be amazed at how many women have felt it when they’re under 10 years of age.
When women talk about any form of abuse,
issues at work / harassment

They just stay silent.

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They never show up online and support women in the comments as they get abused by other men.

They’re not active on any social media, potentially even their partners, social media when topics such as rape, mens violence against women and even now abortion rights are being discussed: they’re just silent.

And in my head, like I said before, If you are silent on something, you are siding with the oppressor.

So guys tell me why is so scared to speak up and support women?

What’s actually really going on for you?

We need your voice to fight with us.

Are you silent because you feel guilty?

You know, when women are talking about the male gaze and things that have happened, do you feel guilty because you have done that?

If you decide to do better, you can do better if you own your past shit, own it and support us now.

We’re okay with that, just stop being silent.

Show us some support and go into bat for us.

Cause silence, doesn’t help.

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Sometimes compromise shows up cleverly disguised as opportunity.

If you have to change something about who you are, or you have to conceal something that you love about yourself.

Or if you have to kind of break yourself to reach some sort of impossible standard that somebody else is demanding of you, sweetheart, that’s not opportunity.

That’s compromise.

You should not have to compromise any part of who you are for an outcome.

You’ll actually be more successful and feel so much more better about yourself when you don’t.

I have had two occasion where, when I stepped back I realised I wasn’t being viewed as the prize.

That what was being presented as an opportunity for both parties was really skewed more to one side.

And not mine.

If you aren’t being seen as the prize it makes it easier for you to be:

Devalued
Offered less money
Put into a position of obligation
End up miserable and feeling frustrated

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When you allow yourself to stay authentically true to who you are, even more can come your way.

Obligation and accepting less has a heavier energy than being a prize and it will show in your results.

Win = Win has no compromise: EVERYBODY WINS!

There are no feelings of less.

Of sacrifice.

Burnout.

With the events that really helped me stop into my prize energy, it first took awareness.

Where have you put others needs for their “thing” or “way” before your own best interest?

It’s ok if you have.

What we do if grant ourselves grace and make a commitment to not say yes when in fear based energy of potential loss.

By me saying no, I may not end up in front of a particular audience with my message.

That can feel like a loss if I let it.

But by me saying no, I also didnt end up doing something because I felt an obligation to make good on wishes and intentions from years ago.

Relief.

This is a little bit cryptic.

The point is when someone comes to you with a opportunity BUT you have to hide, minimise or change something about who you are.

That’s not opportunity, its compromise.

And is that really who you are?

Want to know what shadow of yourself is the pathway to achieving your personal best in life? Take the quiz: http://bit.ly/DiscoverYourShadowValue