Month: July 2021

It’s all about the intention behind it.

I am a feminist, and I am quite happy to announce that to the world. I’m also an artistic nude, fashion, fitness, activewear and fantasy model.

The two things don’t seem like they go together, right?

I get it may be confusing.

How can I say I’m a feminist, support womens rights, but also have my naked body available to be viewed online on my Only Fans profile?

Feminism is about womens rights to choose, to be equal and have body autonomy amongst other things.

This is why I am also pro-choice but that’s a blog for another day.

As I said at the start it’s all about the intention, combined with what feminism means to me and what modelling means to me.

Let’s start at the beginning.

I have always loved posing in front of the camera.

Ever since I was a little girl every time the camera was pulled out, I would put on a smile, put on a pose and excitedly wait to see the resulting pictures. This was back in the day of negatives and waiting weeks for pictures to be processed.

As I grew older, I started doing paid modelling work here and there, but mainly it was for fun and for expression.

It was for sharing my joy in who I was, and how I could make other people feel in that moment.

I was a photographic muse at 16 years of age.

We did images of my in my debutante ball gown in the cemetery, cute pics down by the river and fashion pics in church bell towers.

I had a creative outlet, to use my body to crate stories and I always loved to write.

Modelling was an extension of that.

I had a photo of me win an award at the Melbourne Show.

I helped show beginner photographers how to pose models.

I loved it!

Something you wouldn’t know is I didn’t actually start modelling nude until I was 45.

I know right!

I simply lacked the confidence I myself and I had fear and shame to overcome from the abuse I had experienced at mens hands growing up.

I had felt objectified for so long, and a target of mens eyes, showing my skin was a terrifying ordeal.

It was like I expected to be hurt again. Quite a natural experience for someone who has experienced trauma of a sexual nature.

But once I did and once, I realised I was now safe and in control of my body and my life, everything transformed for me.

I remembered who I always was.

 

A feminine, expressive, cherished women.

So what is this got to do with feminism?

Some might say that having your photos available on only fans for people to subscribe to and to be able to view has some sort of form of prostitution. It’s a sell-out, a pandering to mans desire to look at womens bodies.

Some sort of disrespecting of myself.

I disagree.

For years and here’s where feminism comes, in men have seen women’s body as a freely available commodity that they can use and explore and view on whim.

The most they’ll pay is for a Playboy magazine.

If they buy you dinner, some sort of sexual favour is an expected return.

Naked women, semi naked women in magazines, their images being used to sell products. I find it particularly disturbing that many have women’s heads cut off, reducing us to parts for pleasure, not a whole human being.

So I’ve decided to reclaim my body, my whole self, my expression and if people want to enjoy that they can invest.

They can invest.

They can invest their money, as they no longer getting it for free. (Like many men feel, it’s their God-given right.)

And yes, whether it is conscious or not, men do believe it is.

Look at how many women get raped and assaulted by men who believe it is their right to take what they want. As a survivor of sexual abuse and assault by men, there is still much entitlement felt by men over womens bodies.

Look at how groups of angry men target ASMIR women and get their accounts shut down for fun.

But I digress…..

You may or may not agree with this and that’s OK.

How I choose to show up in the reclamation of my body, my sensuality, my sexuality and my experience of how I choose to show up and share my energy and my joy, is MINE.

This includes my Only Fans profile.

It’s very tasteful, conversational, fun and that my intention with it. An expression of joy, mutual respect and an income stream.

It’s not porn and there’s no dildos or vibrators. As I choose it to be that way. If I decide otherwise, once again that is my choice.

As is the choice of all women who do have an Only Fans profile.

And if you want to subscribe to my Only Fans profile, you can so here: https://www.onlyfans.com/trudipavlovsky

It’s tough dating a trauma girl.

She’s a woman, yet there’s also a childlike quality about her.

She is confusing and it’s hard to explain why.

She looks so normal; she smiles so sweetly, and she seems so happy on the outside.

What you can’t see is she still has echoes of her past driving her behavior today.

It’s not obvious.

She starts off all hot and heavy, every man’s fantasy woman.

She is wild and fiery and passionate, it’s almost like she’s forgotten what’s happened to her in those moments.

She thinks that is what you want.

It’s a performance.

How it has to be for her to be loved and accepted but as a long play, it isn’t sustainable for her.

You notice her begin to change and it confuses you as you may not have yet been confided in about her past.

It might be she just pulls away when you touch a certain way. She can’t explain why but she doesn’t like it even though you’re delivering it through a lens of love.

She changes even more and it’s confusing.

What happened to the sexy women you met?  

She doesn’t mean to, she doesn’t want to, but she withdraws.

She’s not as affectionate.

The things that seemed so exciting to you, she remembers in a different way.

She remembers being hurt disappointed and feeling like she was being punished for being her. Her expression no matter how it shows up feels shameful.

She really wants to love you. But life has taught her it’s easier and it’s safer, that there’s less to lose when the walls are up and she’s by herself.

The trauma girl is complex.

She reaches for the thing that you offer with one hand while pushing it away with the other.

She knows that she’s hurting you. She knows you deserve better. Every day she thinks that she should just go, leave, set you free so you can find a normal girl.

A girl who hasn’t been wounded.

Has never faced the confusion of having to pull apart what is loving and what is hurtful, what is controlling.

A girl that can relax in every moment when you touch her and doesn’t have an unconscious program that this could hurt, this could be forced but this doesn’t mean love.

The trauma girl has well-versed in the power-play the manipulation, the games men play to overpower her agency and to control her.

This means that sometimes the lines between your intention and her experience blur.

Logically she knows you have the best intentions at heart, but a lifetime of pain and disappointment tells her otherwise and her internal battle rages on.

So when you’re reached for her looking for affection and intimacy with your desire for love, it clashes with a lifetime of experience that demonstrates otherwise.

Please be kind.

The trauma girl most likely has been used and sexually abused by men since childhood, when your first experiences of sex and closeness were when you were older. When it was consensual, and nothing was taken for you violently and with fear.

Her first experiences with loving and those memories from childhood are ones that have driven her behavior her whole life. And she may not have realised it.

The acting out.

The over-sexualisation of her behaviour in the bedroom.

What on the outside is perceived as slutty behaviour, is really just the symptoms of abuse and an attempt to take back control of her life.

The only way she knows how.

I mean, what is given can’t be taken away right?

So for those of you to take on a relationship with a trauma girl you too have choices.

To walk away. To find a girl who has no trauma, but let’s face it in this day and age that’s a challenge in itself.

Or you stay. And your skin thickens and you get used to the person you love drawing away, pulling back, rejecting your affection and you accept that from a place of love and understanding.

You let her lead.

You accept her quirks and kinks.

You love all the sharp edges that can appear without warning, and you relearn alongside what love, and intimacy is.

In that space of patient love, you might be able to help the trauma girl relearn what intimacy is and in turn support a transformation of both your lives.

Are you a trauma girl or in love with one and need support? Book a free call to discover how coaching can help: https://trudipavlovsky.as.me/happinesssupercharge