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I shared this on my business page, and it’s important so I’m sharing this here.

How am I still here when so many others don’t make it through the darkness? #triggerwarning #mentalhealthawareness #depression #suicide

I want to discuss the power of having a purpose in your life, admitting to what you truly desire, and how it saved my life.

It starts back to when I was a child, so parents may also be of particular interest to you.

For those who don’t know me that well, I experienced trauma, had an absent father, didn’t fit in at school, and always felt like an outsider.

You may have also experienced these things, I’m just like you.

I remember wishing I was dead as a child.

I was angry, I didn’t understand “what was wrong with me” (I now know there was nothing wrong with me) and why God had forsaken me when I wanted to love him and be a good girl for him. (my catholic priest shamed me often, so much so I quit my faith)

Photo by Kristina Tripkovic on Unsplash

 

I spent a lot of time reading, or alone playing by myself. We had no tablets or consoles back then. The consoles that were available, my mum couldn’t afford to buy.

I was ok with that, a console wasn’t something I wanted, but I wanted to compare now to then.

And that is one of the reasons I am still here.

I spent so much time in my imagination. The books would come alive in my mind, characters became friends and they most certainly didn’t call me names.

In those times, climbing trees, jumping the rake pretending it was a horse jump and it was the Olympics, they created possibility.

I was able to imagine and dream of being an actress on television, a teacher, a writer of stories, a person that helped other people to be happy.

(Seeing a theme yet?)

So even in the sad days, the seeds were able to be planted.

In my mind, I was fabulous, famous, and adored by the world.

It felt good, really good, magical, and like it was so real that one day it would happen.

Those childhood dreams, cemented in my mind (this is important) NEVER really left me.

Part of me always knew I was here for something bigger than my current existence.

Photo by Fab Lentz on Unsplash

 

So, in the dark days, there was always a tiny seed inside me that when I was able to lift the veil of darkness from eyes after hitting absolute rock bottom, even if I didn’t consciously think it, granted me the grace of hope.

Of something beyond the now, the shame, the rage, and the despair, TO KEEP GOING.

Death was NOT my only option, even when it appeared like it was.

Why am I sharing this?

Two things…

One…

Parents, please foster in your children the belief that dreams can come true. Encourage your kids to daydream, to dare to think of magical options for their futures.

Find ways to develop a healthy self-esteem (which I know you’re doing) as well as encouraging them to dream about what THEY think their future can be. (Even if you don’t think its achievable)

Stop telling your children what you think they can or can’t do based on your own experiences.

I was so lucky my mum always told me I could be anything I wanted.

Out of seeds of dreams, so many possibilities are created.

One day their life may depend on it.

Two..

If you never had that magic as a child and you want it now, it’s NOT too late.

If you can think it, you can have it.

We just get taught to put things in our way and to be fixated on how it can show up.

I may not be an actress, but I am still featured on TV.

I don’t teach in schools, but I still teach.

I may not be an author (yet) but my words move people to action and inspiration.

I help people be happy, even if I’m not a psychiatrist (I’ll share that story another day).

Photo by Fab Lentz on Unsplash

 

Please give yourself permission to speak the words of what you desire.

I finally told one of my mentors what I truly desired, my own TV segment or show on National Television.

And he didn’t laugh.

Or roll his eyes.

Or tell me that it was too late for me.

Because it isn’t.

And it isn’t too late for you.

I haven’t done this alone and you don’t have to either.

This is why I am offering a complete and partial scholarships to work with me 1:1 on your dreams.

To be able to face any darkness in your life with a smile and determination to keep going.

That giving up, even when it feels like the only option, that it isn’t and you keep going.

I’ve walked the path.

If your imagination is ready to be awakened to create your best reality, then click HERE.

For those of us who’ve experienced deep trauma, it’s normal that we develop behavior patterns in response to that.

So many times, I overlooked my internal guidance system and ended up inviting more distress into my life. #cellularsetpoint #cellsrequiringfood

I was told once that you often recreate events looking to create different outcomes so you can move forward in life but it doesn’t always work out that way.

Learning that I had the ability to change those patterns, to shift the meaning of the thoughts I had about myself and certain situations was a game-changer for me.

I don’t think I can really make anyone fully understand just how much my life improved.

18 years ago, was the last time my traumas mislead me into thinking I was useless, unlovable and worthless and I didn’t want to be here anymore.

The inner dialogue was ripping my soul apart and I felt like I had no other option.

But I did…

Now you may not be at that point and I wish for you to never be there.

What I do know is that when you open your mind to the possibility of feeling better, things can’t help but start to change around you.

Image by Eric Ward from Unsplash

 

It’s why I run the “Ditch The Imposter Voice challenge”. (insert link https://bit.ly/ditchimpostervoiceforgood)

You have so much more personal power within you than you might be aware of.

I want to share with you, at no charge, what I have learned and integrated into my very being and way of life that means I am no longer driven by unconscious trauma, that I trust my intuition and that you too can do so.

Sign up and work through ten short videos in this mini-course with the Happiness Technician and get started on building your happiness muscles and self-worth.

You will also be advised of the next time a live round runs so you can get dynamic feedback from me live.

The better you feel about yourself, the better your results in life.

This is also suitable for coaches who want to expand their knowledge and for parents who want to support their kids to grow into grounded adults.

Sign up here: https://bit.ly/ditchimpostervoiceforgood  and check out my other programs for developing your confidence, self-worth, and transformation.

I believe in you and your magic, even if you can’t always see it.

~ Trudi

It’s important to honour your feelings at this time and it’s important to keep aiming for high vibration.

My goal is to be a leader around helping people manage in times of anxiety of stress, worry.

If you’re high functioning, depressed personality type, I’m here to help and support you.

With everything that’s going on. I’m seeing two kinds of people, either falling apart or the people that are being strong. I consider myself quite a strong person, but I have to be honest with you, with my online friends last night, I had a little cry. I see people’s pain, people’s worry showing up online and I feel it. I have my mother, family, and friends who are immune-compromised.

Right now having limited contact with them, especially now with Victoria in lockdown, and my mother living interstate. It’s quite a stressful situation because you don’t know when you’re going to see them again if you know if you’re going to be healthy to be able to go and see them.

Going into lockdown is obviously the right thing to do, and maintaining social distancing, but it still sucks and it still triggers a lot of anxiety. Not just for me, but I know for a lot of people out there.

Image by Sydney Sims from Unsplash

 

I really wanted to talk about the language we are using in these times. Does lockdown have to be an ongoing struggle?

This was me two nights ago.

I sat out on the back step and I allowed myself to feel the feelings of the situation. I actually quit smoking 10 years ago, and it’s not a habit I’m wanting to take up again. But yesterday, I gave myself permission last night.

And I did actually sit there and I did think to myself, what if everything is not okay? I don’t know if anyone else reading this is feeling the same as well or has had these thoughts, but it’s natural. It is totally okay to think these thoughts. You aren’t expected to be a high vibe all the time. I think you also need to feel whatever it is you need to feel.

But there needs to be a point where you go, Okay, what do I do now?

What is my next step because staying in the space of anxiety, stress, worry or depression doesn’t actually help you create solutions, it sends to even further down into the mud.

There’s a saying, “what I focus on expands”.

And that is so true because if your brain and you are constantly focused on, this is bad, I’m stressed, I’ve got no way out, your brain will only be able to see that for you.

What I’m really wanting to convey in this, It’s okay to feel how you feel. What we need to do though is make sure that we don’t wallow in it and get stuck in it that, we have a way to reset.

I’ve done a lot of studies and a lot of work around this so I was able to pull myself out of it, after giving myself permission to feel all the feelings of feeling quite vulnerable in my situation. But I also knew that I couldn’t stay in this situation. I made some very big decisions. I took some really practical actions today to offset the anxiety because the anxiety was being triggered by the I don’t know what’s going to happen thoughts. Imagining the worst-case scenario thoughts, and I’m pretty sure we’ve all had these thoughts.

Anxiety is the fear of the unknown.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

 

It’s triggered by the worrying, it’s triggered by the doubt.

So, what to do? Start thinking about what are some really practical tips that I can take in my current situation. Is this you? Do you have a business at the moment that’s not doing so great? What can you innovate in your business to create more income? Are you a renter? What can I do about my cost? Can I go stay with somebody else do, I need to give notice? Can I get in a housemate? Cash flow? Are you hanging onto things that if you stopped, you could release some money and some stress?

I made some really big decisions with COVID kicking in and impacting my own business. And I felt worth sharing. To focus on the belief that I’m going to be okay, that in all of this, I’m going to be okay. For me, it’s my family, my friends, and my clients. They will be supported in this. I will be able to support them. I remind myself that I am a strong woman. I’ve gone through a lot and I’m still here. I have all the evidence in the world to demonstrate that I am a survivor and that I have gotten through this and I will get through everything else that comes along with this.

It may not necessarily come the way that I want it to. But getting stuck on things having to be one way is very limiting. Because then if it can, doesn’t go that way, the anxiety and the stress and everything triggers back in. But the biggest thing is I reminded myself that I’m allowed to be human as well, I’m allowed to have the feelings. I also recognise that sitting in space and wallowing, I gave myself five minutes to have a pity party last night.

Long term, you know, staying in that space doesn’t help, you know, so there’s a spiritual law of cause and effect. I was at the effect the cigarette last night. Everything was happening to me, I had no control, I was disempowered, I stopped, I’ve made bad decisions on what I did with my money, etc, etc, etc.

So, I moved myself back to cause I’m taking radical responsibility for the decisions that I’ve made that have got me into this situation. I’m going to take radical responsibility around creating change and making something different and make sure I’m ascribing to my thoughts the most empowered meaning that I can with my values and my beliefs to everything that is happening around me.

Image by Jan Vašek from Pixabay

 

If you are feeling anxiety, stress, concerning worry and it’s free to do, I really want to encourage you to start thinking of different beliefs and focus on embedding those into your mind over the top of the negative.

I’ll be honest here. If this had happened five years ago, I would be in a completely different emotional state. When we do the work and give ourselves permission to feel and then move forward, it’s super powerful. For those of you that are really struggling under the weight and stress and anxiety of everything that’s happening, I see you there, I feel you. 4

I suggest that you feed your soul right now. If you’re strong enough to go within and do the healing work, do so. It’s a really powerful time for you to transform who you are in here. If that’s too much, dedicate yourself to the things that bring you joy.

Now you have a choice to feel better, and to choose consciously how you want to feel and create your results from a cause, not an effect because your results will be so much more positively impactful on your general wellbeing.

Here we are mid-August, living with uncertainty and in lockdown times for some of us.

Today I want to remind you of something that is super special about YOU!

It’s something that can easily be forgotten, especially when times are stressful and uncertain.

The universe has your back.

You have a wonderful ability to make decisions and choices in every moment of your life.

I know that sometimes it can all seem too much.

After speaking to many people over the last few months I wanted to share a simple set of questions to ask yourself when you feel emotionally triggered. These questions help you regulate your nervous system, calm down, AND have a new point of action to take. The action made purposefully and not impulsively.

They are so simple AND powerful I kept a copy on the phone as a screensaver when I was first using them so I could access them in any situation. (If these questions resonate, I suggest you do the same)

• What is my meaning?
• Where is the feeling?
• How is my breath and body?
• What feeling do I want instead?
• What is the first action I am now taking?

When you talk yourself through these questions, your body automatically responds by relaxing, you get to take back charge of your breathing and you get a simple action step to move you forward. SIMPLES!

Let me know how you progress with using these.

If you love this and want to work with me on removing your stress and adding more of your personal bliss to your world, you can book in a fifteen-minute call with me to discuss how we can best work together.

Click this link here: http://bit.ly/SuperChargeYourHappySesh

You are an amazing human, I love you and I am here for you.

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I wanted to talk about what we’re actually doing when we’re buying all of the things when we’re sad, frustrated, bored or not feeling right.

 

We are actually hurting our happiness.

We do live in a very consumer-driven world. (If you haven’t watched century of the self, and you want to learn more about capitalism and how it was very consciously created by governments, I do suggest you jump on YouTube and check that out.)

Stop shopping and start feeling. If you are shopping when you are feeling sad, frustrated, angry, what you’re actually doing is creating spikes in your nervous system.

Now, in the happiness formula, 50% of your happiness is cellular, 40% of your happiness is the conscious choices and actions that you take daily will build your happiness, and buying things is 10% of your happiness.

This tells us two things.

Image by Pexels from Pixabay

Image by gonghuimin468 from Pixabay

 

But what happens if you spike your nervous system and you’ve gone out of what your nervous system considers its sort of regular bandwidth.

To bring you back to balance, to that state of homeostasis, your nervous system will take you from up here and it will drop you down lower than your regular balance point, and then you will come back in balance.

 

You end up feeling worse off than before the shopping!

Shopping isn’t actually the answer because of the spikes you get.

After the buzz is worn off, you’re gonna feel bad, that’s when the guilt kicks in.

• I shouldn’t have bought it, I didn’t really need it.
• Maybe I should return it.
• Maybe I have to hide the fact that I bought another pair of shoes from my husband, or whatever.

So, the joy of the shop gets replaced with the shame and the guilt, and the judgment around the shop.

When you are shopping, there are two things I really want you to be aware of here, when we were looking at our happiness, right?

Are you shopping to feed an emotional need, is there another gap, is this something that you’re blocking, that you’re not looking at that you’re resisting?

Image by Photo Mix from Pixabay

 

Acknowledging that the shopping replacing a feeling or a need helps you grow, stop the spike and save some money!

We all do it, that’s being human-like I would be lying if I hadn’t told you that I’d gone shopping when I was unhappy to feel better.

But it’s actually our nervous system out sometimes.

The more you push down the block and refuse to acknowledge what’s really going on is like the beach ball under the water.

You push, push, push, and eventually, it’s going to pop out and it’s still going to need to be dealt with anyway. Like feelings!

But if you decide that you’re still going shopping anyway, I want you to think about the spiritual law of circulation, right?

And when you do that shopping, have a bit of a different perspective around it, maybe acknowledge that, yeah, okay. There’s something I’m shopping for, I feel better because of something that’s okay.

But what I’m going to do is, I’m going to use the spiritual law of circulation, and I’m going to acknowledge that by circulating this money out, doing it in a very consciously chosen state of joy, happiness, gratitude, and appreciation.

(Because when you are in a state of gratitude and appreciation, that is the same vibrational, very similar vibration that your cells vibrate at when they are in a state of homeostasis).

Image by Marcin Kempa from Unsplash

 

That means you’re going to have less chance of spiking your nervous system, and then getting the shopping crash.

When you do it in a state of appreciation, gratitude, and joy, what you have been energetically putting out will come back to you threefold.

So, the two things with shopping:

• Be very aware of why you’re shopping.

If you are shopping because the things you need, awesome, be grateful for it, be appreciative that you have the money that you can pay for it, that you are getting nice things

• Then keep in mind the spiritual law of circulation, which then when shopping from the right space and the right energy, will allow the vibration of what you’ve invested to come back to you.

Now it may not come back as cash, it may come back as gifts, it may come back as an acknowledgment, this is the beauty of the law of circulation right.

Work with your physical body so your body and nervous system stay chilled.

See the spiritual side, so the law of circulation can take away the guilt from shopping and allow when you do go shopping to be a beautiful joyful moment, or when you choose to put the credit card aside and go, you know what, I actually don’t need that.

Image by Ulrike Mai from Pixabay

 

Choose to use that moment as a chance for acknowledgment and healing.

Give shopping the right meaning!

Want to do some more stuff around this?

Join me for Liberate Your Life. This is a joyful, grateful appreciative experience that you’re investing, because when you invest, what you get out of it will return to you in three-fold.

Anyway, to finish up, check-in on how you feeling when spending, be aware of your body response. Be aware of the crash that can come from spending when you’re not in the right state for shopping.

Get yourself into a state of gratitude and appreciation.

Be aware of the law of circulation, invest in Liberate Your Life and come and do more work on me with this. Liberate Your Life is open to all people all humans.

However, you identify, let’s get this stuff sorted, for you, and I will teach you the full happiness formula in there.

Choose your happy, choose your happiness.

 

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I wanted to have a chat about productivity, the pressure to be super productive in these interesting times that we live in, and why it’s okay to chill out a little sometimes as well.

I was reading an article on LinkedIn, and it was talking about how 43% of people who are now working at home, who haven’t had the experience of this before, of feeling huge amounts of pressure to not only be super productive, working from home, but to also be super productive, doing all of the things, taking on board the extra yoga classes online.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

We are living in interesting times and putting extra pressure on yourself too, let’s face it, fitting into the social media world of everybody living their best lockdown lives, isn’t always the best move.

Right now, for many people, that’s the pressure you don’t need on your mental health.

This is where I would really encourage everyone to really start looking at what’s actually going to feel good for you.

If it feels pressured and stressful, chill out.

I didn’t get up and go for a run this morning. I thought I’ll just feed my cats and I’ll get started at my desk.

But I want you to check in with yourself, if all of the things that you’re seeing online, and all of the expectations that you need to be showing up in a certain way.

 Image by Mohamed Hassan from Pixabay

If it don’t feel good, don’t do it.

Do what you have to do for your work, obviously, do what feels good for your health both physical, mental and emotional.

That’s actually thriving anyway.

But give yourself a bit of a break.

This is quite a new experience for a lot of people. I’m used to working from home. The really funny thing for me is I’m finding this has actually kicked in a next level of super productivity for me, but that’s me, right?

You can’t judge a life against yours, as we all have different values and beliefs that drive us forward.

You don’t need to live your life based on what I’m doing, and how I’m showing up.

I thought this is a really timely reminder for a lot of people, and so I thought this is the reason why I’m out here first thing in the morning. Haven’t even washed my face haven’t brushed my teeth or anything. This is morning sparkles. I didn’t go for a run this morning. Is that the end of the world – Heck no. Like go for a run this afternoon, probably. But it’s doing what feels good.

Image by Johnson Wang from Unsplash

And you know, for me my morning ritual of waking up early and feeding the cats, having some time outside, just meditating and studying my day gently, that feels good for me.

You will find your own rhythms, your own patterns in these times, but, drop the pressure, as long as it feels good and it’s probably a bit too early in the morning for an F bomb.

My motto is if it’s not fun eff it off! If it’s not fun if it feels like hard work and too much pressure if it’s stressing you out, and adding unhappiness to how you feel in your day. Eff it off.

Keep it fun, and rocking your immune system for your mental health, for the people around you.

We need to be feeling good, we need to be showing up well, so ditch the need to be super productive, because of course, as soon as we attach need to things, we repel what we desire and it doesn’t feel good.

Take a load off, don’t worry about what everyone else is doing with social media, and how they are all showing up. (Unless it’s fun for you. Like someone was talking about doing lip-sync battles and things like that. You know, for some people, that’s fun and for some people it isn’t.)

But really take care of yourself and take the pressure off.

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

And you know that you can reach out for me if you need help.

If you are feeling stressed or anxious, a little uncertain, or a lot uncertain and you don’t have support in place, I’m able to offer that to you in my group coaching program “Liberate Your Life”.

Check it out here for all the deets. If you know having someone in your corner is what you need and you want to do it low cost/high quality, it’s ready for you.

You can check it out here. Monthly subscription with no lock-in contracts and oodles of loving support to help you live your best life, even in the middle of a pandemic.

I’d love your comments and what your thoughts are. Have you been pushing yourself to be super productive? Have you been treating this as a holiday? Have you run out of quarantine snacks today?

(Hence why I go running most day because I already sit down on my butt enough doing my thing 🤣.)

Got any questions about the membership site? Get in touch: trudi@trudipavlovsky.com

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The secret is in the preparation the night before.

The secret is in the preparation the night before.

Now, we have a lot going on in the world. Pretty big things happening.

Many are waking up feeling a sense of weight, heaviness, dread, all of the bad shit, right.

Today I’m going to give you some tips and tricks for waking up happy in the morning.

And it actually all starts with how you go the night before.

Now a lot of people tend to spend a lot of time on the screens, reading and reviewing everything that’s going on and that can be mentally and emotionally which makes it physically draining, right.

As I said in a previously, use discernment with how much you are reading, get the knowledge that you need, but limit your screen time absorbing all of the negative.

So here’s some things you can do the night before.

One: Journal to clear out your day. Write it out and review what it says. As you have a look at it, explore how you were feeling, what was triggering you, bothering you and decide what you will do differently next time.

When journaling, you want to start asking yourself questions that allow you to feel good about the day.

A question I often ask myself is “how can it get better than this?” This is effective because it has the presupposition in the language that it’s already pretty good. Let’s make it even better.

Start programming your unconscious mind before you go to sleep to start looking for the good things and affirming the belief that it gets to be more the next day.

Two: setting an intention.

Set your intention the night before on how you want your day to look the next day. Let your unconscious mind start pulling all of that together for you while you sleep.

Now for those of you that follow my work, you’ll know that I get super inspired in my dreams.

And in that moment when I’m first waking up, it’s like the conscious mind, the ego hasn’t had time to set up its negative chatter.

That’s why in those moments in the morning, I can really connect into my heart and connect into my intuition and my truth.

But that’s because I’ve set it up the night before to create that space. Now, there’s another thing that you can do as well.

We’ve got the journaling to clear out the old stale energy of the day that was.

We’ve got the intention setting for the next day.

There are things like turning your screens off at seven o’clock at night, all of the boring practical stuff, that can be done.

You may not have noticed that I am off the screens by 7pm each night and the quality of my sleep has improved.

I’ve also been doing some beautiful, gentle stretching and meditations of an evening, just to clear out the brain fog and the stress of the day.

But there’s another really cool thing that you can do.

Three: Rewind your day.

Sit there and rewind your day in your mind. From where ends back to the start of the day, rewind it in your minds vision, which allows you to let the day go.

Right? It sounds weird. I can’t give you the science behind it. But do that as well. It’s a way to release the day.

It allows you to feel for the lessons but it also allows you to shake it off and let it go.

There’s a couple of tips for you, general to clear the day, rewind the day each evening in your mind, and step in your head, turn your screens off, set the intention.

And I’ve got a little note here. Be really clear on your desires for the next day.

What is it that you desire? Not what you need, what not you’re desperately fearfully hanging on to because that kicks in the law of repulsion.

What do you desire and require for you to live in your highest and best? To show up in service and generate love and care and kindness out in the world and raise the vibration of the planet?

Which I would say for most of my friends, is what we’re pretty much all aiming for.

Let me know your thoughts.

Love Trudi

And if you need help calling it all in, but high end 1:1 coaching is out of your budget?

Check out Liberate Your Life.

My membership site for humans wanting more happiness, joy and success in their lives! It’s the place where you get access to tools, support and ten plus year of studying human potential. It’s THE place to get you feeling excited about life again, because you're worth it and your purpose can no longer be denied!

Sign up here: YES I WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS!

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Today I wanted to bring up, maybe not the most funnest conversation to have, but definitely something that I feel needs to be discussed.

It keeps popping up in conversations that I’ve been having with clients, people in general, and it is to topic of guilt, childhood trauma, and speaking up or not speaking up.

Now I obviously can speak from my own experience around not speaking up after being abused as a child.

I know many people who’ve experienced different forms of trauma as children, whether it’s sexual, mental, emotional, bullying, all of those kinds of things.

I’m doing a bit of a broad banner around trauma.

I don’t want to get caught on one particular type.

Most people I know who’ve experienced trauma as a child, didn’t speak up at the time.

There were many reasons, as a child, there’s the threat of punishment, the threat of losing your sense of family and belonging.

There’s always that worry that no one is going to believe you, or you somehow deserved it.

For anyone out there who has experienced one of these forms of trauma or other traumas, I just want you to know, I believe you.

And for those of you that did speak up, and nobody believed you, I believe you.

Now as children, we make our decisions based on a very young understanding of the world.

Although I know that many of us grew up a lot quicker than what we actually really would have liked to as children.

We then carry it as children into our teenager and into our adult years and any of those forms of trauma.

They do impact how you show up in the now.

Now, some of the conversations have been around feeling guilty for not speaking up at the time, and I was the same. Somebody did something to me.

As this person lived in a country town where I lived, got married, had a daughter, it really triggered a huge, a huge guilt thing in me, because I didn’t speak up so this girl was allowed to be born. Then my mind went to what could possibly happen to her and her friends as she got older.

That was the something that really weighed heavy on my heart growing up. It’s a common theme that pops up in conversations with a lot of people.

Then we ask ourselves as adults, do we?

• Do we speak up?
• Or do we let it go?
• Is there a right answer?

I suggest these questions as a starting point.

How does taking either of these options impact your life now? What does doing either of these things mean for your life now?

You want to have a look at the impact that not speaking up is having on you, that speaking up would have on you and the impact that it’s going to have on those around you and your relationships with you.

I want to say this.

And you’ll know with your own personal circumstances or not whether it’s relevant for you.

Sometimes it’s okay to just let it go.

You know, there’s a lot of people coming forward and speaking up, and it feels like it’s the right thing to do.

You should be telling everyone about the traumas, and you should be calling people out. And there’s a lot of should in that, but it’s a really delicate, nuanced individual situation.

For those of you that don’t feel that there’s right reasons for speaking up, or just want to let it go: that’s okay.

My biggest thing was that my not speaking up with one issue, was it potentially opened up other people to trauma if I did.

And that bought in guilt. I wanted to share to feel better but it meant pain for others.

It was also because some of those things that happened to me, I knew they were done onto me by people that were broken and abused by others.

I didn’t want to upset other people by speaking up because they then had to also carry the burden of my pain.

And here’s something that makes people uncomfortable.

There’s also the thing that sometimes you enjoy the actions performed onto you. Even though you know that it’s wrong mentally, physically, your body responds a certain way.

And in any of those things, there’s the shame and the guilt that you might be feeling.

I really encourage you, find ways to be compassionate to yourself.

Remember, as children, we don’t have full autonomy over ourselves.

We are trained from a very young age that the adult is in charge.

The adult can hurt you if you do speak up and the adult is always believed over the child.

You, like me, did the best that you could at the time.

This was a huge thing for me to process.

When eventually I did come forward and speak up about one of the things that happened to me as a child. I also had to accept that I did the best that I could.

I thought I was protecting my family. I thought that no one would believe me. I felt in one instance that I’ve done something wrong.

But when I finally came forward and spoke up as an adult, that was the right thing for me to do, because other things have been coming to light about this person and their behavior.

So I forgave myself for not speaking up sooner.

I carried all of those complex emotions for years.

And there needs to come a point if you’re carrying any of this stuff, to give yourself permission to find ways to let it go.

Now it’s all very it’s very individual, very personalized.

This is a general sort of conversation here, because you know, everyone experiences their trauma and their things differently.

But there needs to be a time where you forgive yourself.

If you decide if it’s right for you, come forward and tell people about it. Go to the police and file a report if that is right for you.

It can be very cathartic.

Now, for me coming forward in my 20s and speaking up, and this was after I’d already been in hospital for attempted suicide, and had told people who didn’t really process my experiences very well, because they felt bad that I’d had them.

But coming forward in those cases was healing. And it might not necessarily mean you need to go to the police or anything like that, but if having a conversation helps you heal and helps you let it go, find someone to speak too.

If you’re not up for tearing your family apart by speaking up or, making family have to confront things: that’s okay.

Finding your way to make your peace with what’s happened is the most important thing.

Now in one conversation that I had with somebody ) because they were okay and had processed,) they decided that bringing it to the attention of the family was only going to cause more pain that other people involved weren’t ready to deal with it.

They’d blocked it out and where in denial so the person they had impacted made the loving choice to forgive and keep silent.

Your reasons behind coming forward or not coming forward, can have of lots of different nuances with the choices to be made.

So if you want to leave it, it’s okay.

And that was that that’s the biggest thing that’s come through in all of these conversations.

You don’t have to report everything.

If that feels right for you or if other people are at risk, and you feel you want to bring stuff up and report things, do it.

But make sure you have the right support around you to help you with whatever you decide.

Because the carrying of guilt (and I’m one of the reasons I’m bringing it up now is because I know there’s a lot of people all this time in isolation and alone) is bringing a lot of things up for people.

Reach out and get help and get support. There’s no right or wrong answer.

Looking after your own heart, finding ways to let go of the shame, fear, guilt, and in any judgment you have around it around yourself or in the situation, that would be the outcome that I would be encouraging for you.

Then you can move forward and you can start living your true life of happiness.

You can be okay.

Being able to walk through and beyond it is the best decision, the best permission that you can give yourself in these situations, especially things from your past.

I love you all, reach out if you need some help.

Be kind to yourself and do something to be okay with being okay about whatever you decide is the best action for your heart.

Be okay with letting it go.

Trudi ox

Are you looking for coaching but cant afford to pay hundreds of dollars a week? What if you could work with me for as little as $33 a month? My membership programme called “LIBERATE YOUR LIFE” is launching soon. To find out more about how group coaching can support your life to be happier, book in a 15minute call here: I WANT TO KNOW MORE

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The Woke Bro Coach came up as a topic after a conversation about the men in the coaching industry and the toxicity that was showing up.

I was asked ot write this up as a chapter for a book that is no longer going ahead.

I decided instead to post it as a stand alone blog. The context of the book was to review segments of the whole coaching industry.

Here’s my chapter.

Before you throw the #notallmen at me for what I am about to say, of course the only absolutes are universal law and not that all people in a group are acting out the same way.

Everything has shades of grey and finer nuances.

If you’re reading this chapter, there’s a big chance that you or someone you know has experienced toxic male coaching from that “woke bro coach”, or you want to make sure that you don’t.

I’ve been involved in the coaching industry for over a decade now, and I’ve seen people come and go. I’ve seen people invest hundreds of thousands of dollars in coaching and their circumstances haven’t shifted.

I’ve seen the creation and behaviour of people who have worked with the so-called industry gurus, the rise of the “woke bro coach”, and the bulk of those self-appointed gurus are men.

I’ve always had an issue with the word guru and especially self-appointed gurus in coaching.

According to Wikipedia a Guru is:

In the Sanskrit language, guru means teacher. Eastern religions, such as Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism and newer movements such as Transcendental Meditation use guru as a title. They give it to a teacher (or guide) of religious matters.

So why is this title so elevated in western society and in the coaching industry?

The helping industry has gone from being an industry that helps people, to an industry that is driven by the psychology of marketing, high ticket sales (often for programmes not worth the investment) and people who complete one course who have been told that they are qualified enough to go out and continue the cycle of selling high ticket programs with education that they are just parroting.

And from my own experiences, what I have seen is that men, more so than women do exactly that.

Women tend to hesitate, lack the confidence to just get out there after one course and do the dammed thing. Which isn’t bad but this has resulted in a hidden poison in the world of coaching.

It shows itself up especially in trauma and Tantric Work

It’s men who gaslight and deliberately trigger women not to help, but to feed their own egos, sexual appetites and control.

The self appointed guru, The WOKE Bro Coach!

Lets break it down.

Firstly, let’s look at male coaches who have minimal training yet want to heal womens sexual trauma.

What would make a man with a minimal training, think that this the ideal first place for them to go and start doing their coaching work?

That’s a red flag for me.

It demonstrates a lack of integrity and points to a potential darker intention.

I’ve heard sales trainers say that women are easier targets to sell to, and when it comes to sexual trauma, marketing to women that they need the masculine to heal their feminine, isn’t about helping it’s about making money.

Cashing in on someone’s trauma because it’s easy to sell to, makes me feel ill.

These coaches are dangerous because they’re led by their ego and the allure of making a quick buck.

What they don’t realise, is they’re wiring in the trauma even more deeply through their ignorance.

One course does not equip you to deal with trauma and sexual abuse.

These men often have their own emotional issues that they haven’t addressed within themselves. They’re looking for external validation to feel better because for many men feeling into and exploring their own emotional states and traumas is way too hard.

They get to live vicariously through other peoples experience.

They’ve gone to a Tony Robbins event, felt better and decided through the voice of the ego, that they can help others. (Plus some heavy sales driven process by the man on stage to get them to buy the only course they'll ever need to be a coach and the event support crew.)

We’ve been to those events, hyper energy, high fives and deep hypnotic trance states to make you more open to purchasing, but don’t get me started on that! (might blog that another day)

As they lack a deeper understanding and experience with healing work, combined with their own wounding, it makes them highly infective and dangerous.

When we add in the God complex, which is ego driven. The masculine desire to set goals and get the results when deciding to work with women, they lack the ability to work with feminine energy and in a space of flow.

They push women to get a surface level result which pushes the trauma even deeper and can have women end up having breakdowns further down the track.

Let’s have a look at the self-appointed gurus who work only with women.

These men are dangerous.

They think they know it all and they have completely bought in to this new identity.

They won’t have many men, if any at all, supporting them in their businesses. They’ll lack male clients or have none at all.

They won’t want to risk being challenged by another man.

They remove competition.

Not only do they display the above characteristics but they are actually educated.

Men like this will very cleverly repackage and rebrand what they know and claim to be unique.

Not only will they take it to their process the but they’re smart, they will sell you into the process. They will make you one of them.

I watched a former rapper go from humble, to creating processes, to going into tantra, sleeping with his mates girlfriend and then shaming his friend for being upset. He began teaching people his process and then demanding more and more money to use the process, as his process got more known.

That itself isn't a problem but it becomes a concern when asking for more money means breaking promises made to people in that regard and threatening people when they dont want to pay.

I saw him get so caught up in his own words and outcomes and results that it completely stepped out of integrity compared to who he was when we met.

Living the “lifestyle” became more important than the work itself.

Or maybe success amplified who he always was?

Totes woke, totes a bro coach. Even dressed up as this super spiritual being.

The Woke Bro Coach, will ask the women around them to go out into the world to find them new clients.

They understand that referrals from the sister hood hold a lot sway.

They will have long and preachy posts about how they have transformed their lives from arsehole bloke to now having King energy and being grounded in their masculine form.

They will say all the right words, speak of honouring the feminine but if you dare challenge them or tell the you don’t agree, look out!

They will threaten to excommunicate you from the group, they will shame you and gaslight you until you think you're wrong and punish you by using you as an example of what’s wrong with the feminine (quite often labelling you as toxic feminine) until you stand down and give them what they want. Be it money, sex or adoration to feed their ego.

The most dangerous male coach is the guru who genuinely thinks that manipulating women into having sex with them, is genuinely actually truly helping. (Vomit)

I know a guy who claims ot be able to support men to have amazing relationships, calls himself woke and claims to be a king but while dating one women, was lining up a second women. (Oh yes the perfect man to help women find love and to show men how to show up for women. Yes that was the sarcasm font))

Narcissistic male coaches are the worse. They are the industry rock stars!

They truly believe in what they do.

They joke about their groups being cults.

They write posts to deliberately trigger people and then shame people for being triggered all the while doing it with a smirk on their face.

Neither of these types of male coaches will understand how to work with the feminine.

They will push and force you to get a result. For a small amount of women, and these are the ones that become the biggest cheerleaders, this does work.

I’m not saying that these coaches don’t get a result but for many women it’s not a lasting result, it doesn’t really heal the trauma it just puts on Band-Aid.

But how do you recognise what these male coaches before you get caught in the web?

Ineffective male coaches lean towards guilt shame and judgement as motivators to get women to take action.

It’s all done under the guise of care but they effectively are bullies to get what they want.

If you don’t do this you don’t really want to change your life. Ever heard that before? It’s the kind of statements someone who doesn’t know how to coach will make to attempt to force an outcome.

And if this is tied in with a traumatic event it wires the trauma in even deeper to your neurology.

It doesn’t work as a coaching tool but they will not be accountable. It is always the clients fault, block, issue, problem, if something doesn’t shift.

If you’re on a discovery call with them and there’s no time to consider signing up to work with them, they want an answer right now: there is another red flag.

And if you're not sure, they will say that you don’t really care about transforming your life, your making excuses, if you really wanted to change you say yes and find a way to make it happen. They talk about how they sold their car to pay for the coaching that transformed their life and they would have the expectation that you do anything to be their client.

They will push you to get a second mortgage to pay to work with because they don’t understand how going further into debt activates your nervous system how engage nervous system in packs your physical body question mental and emotional body all they care about is getting you to sign up and getting what they want.

These coaches will encourage you to go behind your partners back to pay for sessions, with the phrases if he really loves you he won’t mind you investing all of this money in yourself as the trigger to get you across the line.

I mean no one wants to think that their partner doesn’t want them to be happy, right?

The sales technique is manipulation. It’s using guilt and shame to get you to say yes to working with them. Does that sit well with you?

It doesn’t with me.

Why is this a problem?

Apart from the obvious that it’s just basically shitty behaviour, it goes deeper.

It leaves women broke, even more traumatised, distrusting of getting quality help and does real harm in locking the trauma in even deeper.

When anyone is attempting to heal through being guilted, shamed or judged the healing itself becomes traumatic.

Toxic male coaches don’t care about how they get result they only care about getting their own ego fed and bank balance plumped up.

Now this is a two-sided experience so going into the experience with a male coach and staying the experience is also accountable to you.

As a client, dropping your own standards, your own values and expectations, is this how you want to get a result?

You have free will in every moment and as soon as you recognise these red flags you are under no obligation to continue with the coaching.

These male coaches will have no refunds or hoops to jump through for refunds: be warned.

Make sure you read the agreements before saying yes and paying any money. You are allowed and within your rights to do so.

Coaches that are confident with their results will offer refund terms and conditions that makes sense.

Overall this kind of coaching drives you away from your true outcome, so why stick with it?

So how do you know the difference between getting real help or setting yourself up for more harm?

An effective coach will set boundaries and expectations very clearly at the start you’re both working towards the same goal.

Boundaries are especially important when working in the Tantric Arena and working to heal sexual trauma and sexual energy. There are so many male coaches, self-appointed gurus that are especially using women’s sexual trauma against for their own ego driven and often sexual satisfaction.

I’ve heard too many stories of male coaches shaming women through the trauma into sleeping with them.

The the male coach demands intimacy from you and then gaslights you into giving it to him against your better judgement this is not coaching this is assault.

You do not have to have sex with somebody to prove that you have let go of sexual trauma, especially if it goes again your values.

This is why it is so important for you as a client to have a clear outcomes and boundaries before you even begin doing the work.

Examples of red flags.

Woke Bro Coaches have no hesitation is speaking these phrases:

• You have to push through this to heal. If your partner really cared about you, you wouldn’t even need to ask to sign up. Do not tell anyone we are working together.
• If you’re not willing to do <insert action> you aren’t serious about getting better
• I’m woke as fuck (vomit)

Their actions can show up like this:

• They will isolate you from the rest of the community if you do not do what they ask of you.
• They will demand sex, compliance, large sums of money and they will shame you if you question their intention behind the request.
• They will ignore your discomfit for their outcome.
• They brag about who trained them.
• They bad mouth people who no longer are clients.
• They constantly change the agreements for working with them and it is always in their favour.
• They expect you to be grateful for them but never acknowledge you as a client.

Coaching is the fastest growing industry across the globe. It’s now more acceptable to ask for help to move forward in your life.

There are many people with integrity in the industry, and there are many who just want to cash in.

I recommend if you’re working with a male coach, before you start, do you research.

Some simple right but it is to get on the phone to talk to somebody and get sold on spot to sign up.

Find out who this person did their coach training with.

I have red flag coaches, that if somebody has worked with the red flag coach, I will not work with that person.

I suggest you research the person that trained them to get an idea of how their energy will show up.

Looks the testimonials and positive feedback on their personal profile and business pages with the awareness that testimonials can be bought and people who liekthem will write glowing ones.

If there’s testimonials go check to the personal writing them. How is their life looking online?

If you can’t find anything ask for it and check out the person has given it.

Ask yourself why specifically do you want a male coach?

Are you potentially bringing the wrong energy to your healing work?

I have a brilliant male coach who helped me heal some deep wounding from religious trauma and an absent father as a child: but the work was done at my request and after the foundations had been laid for me to be safe in the process.

You simply do not need anyone to push your to heal at their expected timeline for you.

If you need time to build trust, take that time.

Remember though. men who do not understand their programming vs a woman programming wont understand you need for time.

Looking for “guru” to fix you is the start of the pathway which can allow toxic male coaching to occur.

And it’s not your fault, the marketing spin and strong personality can totally sweep you off your feet and reel you in.

These woke bro coaches are so good at standing up and speaking powerfully, they know so many subtle manipulation tactics, if you don’t know the red flags… you get caught in the web.

So now you are no longer at the whim of the spiders bite…. Stay woke my friends. 😎

Love Trudi

Australias Happiness Coach

As things start to move forward and settle into a new "normal" who do you have supporting you through the transition?

If you're ready to get support to to feel good, start replanning your life and think I am the person to help you: book in a fifteen minute call with me to find out how life coaching can be of service to you.

Book here: https://trudipavlovsky.as.me/happinesssupercharge

You do not have to face life changes alone.

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Are you using money in the bank as the only measurement for your happiness?

There’s lots of people out there who do and you can use it as a measurement for your own happiness if you want.

But as a belief consider this: If you're basing your happiness purely on something external, like having a certain amount of money in the bank, potentially you're missing out on the things going on around you and really experiencing your joy.

It's quite critical to understand that.

If you have a lack of money, being miserable about it and unhappy and punishing yourself or sitting in a space of suffering around that is not going to allow you to be able to easily create more money.

We operate at a set point ourselves, the physical barometer for our happiness, and when we consciously choose to find the joy, we create our own happiness which increases our capacity for more and this includes money. (if you want to learn more about how our body creates our outcome it’s something that I talk about in Alignment. If you're curious, click here to find out more: http://bit.ly/AlignmentGlobalSparkles)

This article was prompted recently by an experience in January.

Now I'm the first person to admit I made some less than good decisions for myself and my business at the end of the year, and this year, and I decided change those decisions that weren't working, and I was really happy about it, I felt really good.

But then somebody involved came and had a go at me for being happy, even though the decisions I had made which prompted her attack, were based on cash flow issue in my business at that time and not about how I felt about myself.

I was told I couldn’t be posting about being happy when I didn’t have loads of spare cash on hand to pay for certain services. (lets be honest, her services)

I was judged and shamed based on what someone else considered a barometer for happiness.

Cash in the bank.

That's really bad. You can be happy without lots of cash in the bank.

Now, we all know having money to do what you want and not having to worry about how you're going to pay a bill or anything like that, feels really good as well.

But some people can still be happy with enough money in the bank to pay their bills. And that's it.

Some people are going to be even happier when they have more money and that's okay.

But regardless of where you are at financially, being able to find joy in every moment, joy and what you do have, be happy with family, friends, be able to laugh at something, when you can learn to be happy like that well that’s a wonderful way to be.

When you are putting out vibrationally happiness, joy, positive energy in what's going on for you in the moment, that's where you create the space to be able to welcome more.

If you're worried and stressed and in low vibration energies such as shame, guilt, stress and anxiety, if you're putting that out there, that's what you receive back.

Of course is, if you have lost everything in a bushfire, or your job due the pandemic, I don't expect you to be running around being joyful about all of the things.

If you can find gratitude in you being alive, that's a great starting point.

I'm talking about your general day to day, find the joy, you're happy.

What I see around the internet, some days, I really just don't want to internet. I want to switch it off and go away.

Let's say there's a lot of judgment and there's a lot of blame. And there's a lot of people pushing beliefs onto other people.

Now, this is my belief here.

You can take it, you can leave it, and I'm really happy to have a discussion about it.

I remind myself of this (to minimise judgement on others)

· Not everybody wants what you want.

· Not everybody has what you have.

· Not everybody was raised the way you were raised.

Some people when it comes to money, you know, they're going to be content with what they have.

Some people are going to want more.

But there are so many other things to be happy about. And the more you can be grateful, calm, joyous in every moment that you live, the more you put that out there, the more you can attract that back.

If somebody says they're feeling good, or they're feeling happy, or they're feeling relieved about something, and you might know something that you believe contrary to that, no need to shame people.

· Let people be happy.

· Let people be happy with what they have.

· Let yourself shine brightly and contribute to other peoples happy too!

Money isn't the only measurement for happiness.

What you believe is a lot of money might not seem like a lot of money to others, or might not seem like enough.

So skip the judgment around that and let people be happy.

Let yourself be happy.

And let's see if we can start really raising the vibration around the planet.

The more happiness we put out, the more we're going to receive back.

If you have been shamed for being happy in the past, let’s leave that there and focus now on sharing more happiness with those around us.

Come and join my FREE FB group https://www.facebook.com/groups/SimplifiedHappiness

And let’s get our happy on together.

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