Month: March 2020

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And why we dismiss them in our modern world.

I want to talk to you about some ignored indicators that are demonstrating to you that your life might actually be a little bit off track.

The examples of things like cravings, low energy and your inability to find joy in things.

I want to talk about why we dismiss them.

When we look at cravings, we look at eating, and we eat because we're hungry.

We also eat because we are addicted to certain foods.

I know that I've worked through a very, very massive sugar addiction myself.

But quite often, when you're eating and when you're eating mindlessly you're eating to fill a void and in particular, an emotional void.

A void, a feeling like you are lacking somewhere else, too.

We eat and obviously when we're eating poorly that does impact our energy.

But you can eat really well and still find that you have low energy.

Which impacts your enthusiasm.

If you are lacking in enthusiasm for what you're doing in your day to day and everything feels like a chore and a challenge and you know you're eating well then you can start to identify a cycle happening.

And low energy does show up not just because we're not eating well.

Now, you might find you have the inability to find joy in things.

Everything feels like hard work, and it’s all push, push, push.

Now, you know, what I find is when I'm working with people, and this isn't a blanket rule, this is just you know, some generalizations here.

So what does it all mean?

Eating to fill a void and having energy and enthusiasm is low, quite often it's because your priorities are out of whack.

You're prioritizing everybody else's needs what everybody else thinks everybody else believes. Everything external to you is your first priority.

And you are not your own first priority, right? So the inner world is reflected in the outer world.

So if you don't make yourself number one, nobody else is going to.

It's hard to be enthusiastic and finding joy when everything feels like a drag and there's nothing there that is honouring you.

Now there's the big talk about self-care.

But what I noticed for most people, when they first start working with self-care is a moment or it's an action, like once a week thing.

Example: Having a weekly bubble bath.

But only if only if nobody else needs me.

Is that really self-care at its finest?

And then there's that inability to find joy.

Self-care really needs to become a lifestyle choice needs to be something that is dedicated has the intention behind it that you become your own priority before you prioritize everybody else, and parents are going to like think I'm crazy, but you need to prioritize yourself over your children.

Because if you're setting an example, so if you're not looking after yourself, your kids going to say, well, mom doesn't look after herself.

We don't need to look after her.

Then you're setting a precedent in a pattern for them.

Now, self-care is not a moment or action hero this self-care needs to become your lifestyle, because and the reason why we dismiss it in this modern world is because we've been taught that there is honour in sacrifice.

If I miss out, if I lack if I don't have enough, and I give everything out to everybody else, I'm demonstrating my love and is honouring that.

We’re taught that you can't just have this go to be struggle to be deserving. You've got to earn it, you've got to be worthy.

And the sun is all of these push energy and it's hard and there's no ease and grace and lightness in any of that.

You don't have to struggle to be worthy.

You can be worthy because you're worthy. Because you're here because you're a child of God, a child of the universe, you are born, you are living you are doing your best, you are automatically worthy.

You don't have to have the struggle or the life of sacrifice. It proves nothing.

As human beings, we are conditioned to focus on the negative, we have a bias around that, to have like to look for the negative, look for the bad.

It's one of those things that back in the cave days, we had to be very aware and be alert so we didn't get eaten by tigers and bears and monsters and stuff.

We lived in fear of isolation, painful deaths and lack.

But now you don't need to be focused on the negative.

It's going to work better for you to start focusing on the positive.

It probably sounds very light and fluffy to say this but you need to shift your conditioning around the sacrifices, struggle and the negative bias that we have.

I'm tired all the time. It's just because I'm so busy. Yeah, you know what I do a shitty job, you know, like, I'll bury myself in Netflix on the weekend and find some external joy.

These are indicators that are often dismissed as just being life.

And the older we get the more we develop a consequence bias.

Everything gets filtered through the potential for loss. Its no way to live.

Model the millennials. They are action taking, living in the moment, people.

If you're feeling like your life is off track and you are craving food or you’re not eating well, your energy is not good and you're not finding the joy, you're out of alignment.

Self-Care is not an single action here.

You need to turn self-care into lifestyle. You need to make sure you're prioritizing yourself. If you are going to eat, eat mindfully and be aware, am I eating to fill a void?

This also means what you do in your day to day.

Soul sucking job? How can you change that energy?

Average or bad friendships?

Make new friends.

Bored with your relationship?

Make a commitment to spice it up and re-energize it with love.

Or leave it.

Life doesn't have to be this way, you can choose differently.

And if these things are showing up for you, and you are feeling restless and unhappy, you're out of alignment.

You're not connected into your purpose.

Back in 2016 I was living the life that I thought made me successful. Doing business, a certain way, with a certain topic and being constantly told this was my identity and the only way I would succeed.

But I was dying inside even though I was very good at what I was doing.

I was over eating, sleeping in, staying up late and denying myself the opportunity to do things I loved.

It cost me my health, my relationship and my happiness.

I knew there was a different path for me and it wasn’t until a major shift in energy, focus and friendships did I start to walk the right path.

This path.

The path of showing people they can live happy.

You know, start exploring what is my why and yours could be to successfully raise your children which is awesome to how you showing up for them.

Are you teaching them sacrifice and struggle?

Are you teaching them a whole different way of like, just being where they because you're here and being allowed.

I'm just using parents as an example because that's the first thing that came to my head.

But even for me, like 2018 and 2019, like, I was not in a great place a lot of the time, and one part was because I chose to eat mindlessly.

I wasn't looking after my health, self-care was just this thing that I did every now and then like, Oh, yeah, just I'll go and have a bubble bath.

I was disrespecting myself by staying stressed, overweight and unhappy, so the world was disrespecting me back.

So, the inner is reflected in the adder and vice versa.

So be aware of these indicators, because they are sending you a message.

People ask me how I've lost weight. Some of the things that I do are fasting, I'm a lot more mindful now about my food and I get up every day to exercise at 630 in the morning.

I know I beat the sunrise today. How cool is that?

I do this because self-care is not a single action.

It's a daily lifestyle priority, because it all starts in here.

If your life is feeling a little off track, and these things are showing up for you, they can change.

And I encourage you to be really aware of these thing because you can choose to be happy you can choose to have purpose in your life.

And whatever that purpose is.

You are worthy. You are worthy of your happiness and your joy.

In 2018 I wouldn’t have thought this feeling of vitality, purpose and self-love would be mine and least of all from making my own wellbeing and happiness my priority, yet here we are.

And that's all I really wanted to say.

But I see so much online and I just I know having come out of the other side that this is available for everyone.

This is available for all of us, you all can be happier, more on purpose, live your joy.

I really want you to be aware of what's happening for you, so then you can consciously choose what you desire.

You are worthy, you are loved, you are always supported.

If you know somebody who needs to hear this, feel free to share this with them.

If you made it this far you are ready for change. Join my FREE five day experience to SUPER CHARGE YOUR HAPPY! Life, no matter whats happening round you, is a choice for feelings. I choose happy every time!

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Today we shall look at a simple sum for happiness.

As human beings we do like to complicate things.

Especially as we get older we layer on a consequence bias and everything gets really, really difficult.

As somebody who spent many years depressed, full of self-loathing, thinking that I was a shit person, life was bad, as well as having spent the last 10 plus years studying how the body works, the mind works, emotions, coaching processes, energy and stuff, I’ve discovered that experiencing happiness doesn't actually have to be that difficult.

So I want to give you this simple formula I know and I'm also going to put this out there.

People gonna fight for their limitations.

People going to fight for their individuality and their uniqueness.

I often here “It's easy for you, it's okay for you. But I'm this.” This is where people then layer in identity stuff, which is all the stuff we work on in Alignment.

But you get to decide who you are, what your identity is, you get to decide in every moment how you want to show up and who you want to be.

Now, the simple sum for happiness, add more happy and start letting go of the sad.

Now it sounds really simple and I know there's going to be people out there that saying “Trudi that's really trite, and you know my depression is deep. I've had it a long time. It's really complex and complicated”

Here’s what I have learnt over the years: if you work to build your happiness from the very simple foundations, if you start with incremental steps to create change in your life and if you work, not only on your thinking, your myelinated neural pathways, and start working with your physical body, plus the emotional and mental aspect of being, you will change.

You can start adding in more happy.

Start practicing daily gratitude for what you do have, and you will start to create a shift in your cellular body, in your emotional state, in how you feel and in how you start making decisions.

With incremental, gentle steps, your happiness will last because it has a solid foundation it is being built on.

The biggest problem I see out there, when people are working on their happiness and chasing their joy is they end up getting in their own way.

Not only is the language because they're chasing it, and they're always putting it out in front of them.

This is the mental programming that blocks the emotions from being available.

There's this thing where people do these big grandiose gestures of like, I'm really depressed. I'm gonna go out and do this big thing that's gonna make me happy.

The problem with that is in that moment, sure, they might feel happy, you might feel good, you might go and do the sky dive or something but what you're doing is you're spiking out your nervous system and you're freaking your body out.

It’s the same with a big shopping spree and maxing out your credit card with no concrete means to pay it back.

Feels good and a little reckless in the moment, it gives you a buzz, but it doesn’t last.

In fact, you will most likely experience a big crash three days later.

We operate from a cellular set point and everybody's point is different.

If you move out of a certain set point bandwidth, you trigger your nervous system, you freak your body out, you start creating space for sabotage and unhappiness.

The simple sum for happiness is, stop feeling like you have to do the big things and start working on the daily practice.

Start asking in this moment, what do I need to feel better?

If you're starting from a really low spot where you're depressed and angry ask, “What do I need in this moment to feel a little better”.

If you're feeling pretty good, but life's a bit flat and a bit bland. “What do I need to let go of to allow in a little bit more happy today?”

In every moment, start making a conscious choice.

Start working on your set point, start gently building yourself up, so you're not triggering a nervous system response.

The extreme high then creates the extreme low.

So to balance you out to bring you back to your set point, you crash low.

You can build this happiness incrementally, gently, with appreciation and gratitude for what you do have. So over time, more happiness equals sad is gone.

When you work incrementally to increase your happy, one day you wake up and go, “Hey, I feel pretty good. I feel a lot better than where I was six months ago or a year ago.”

I'm living proof it can happen.

It starts with making a decision, and then making choices based on that decision.

Now I work with the mind, the body, the emotions, the spiritual, the vibrational, the energetic, so you know happiness does have layers.

But start with these simple steps.

It's the simple sum for happiness.

I know it works.

I know you can do it, no matter where you are, in your equation in your set point where you're starting from just giving yourself permission, is that very first step and if you need help with that, you know, reach out, talk to me.

Do the little things daily.

I wake up every morning and I say a morning prayer to God. I asked God how can I serve today because serving you makes me happy.

That brings me joy that allows me fulfilment and purpose.

Your happiness could be something as simple as just sitting outside and enjoying the sunshine for five minutes, you will have your own barometers and measurements for happiness.

I can only give you some tips and suggestions to help you let go of the identity of I'm sad, I'm depressed, I am miserable, and start opening up to I am allowed to be happy.

I can give myself permission to be curious about what it could be like to live happier every day.

Curiosity is a great thing, right? Because there's no pressure.

It's just curiosity, just looking and seeking for something that you may not have truly allowed yourself to experience before.

I am your happiness coach, I am here to help you step into your purpose, redefine your identity.

That's what you need, and to live your happiest life.

So let me know how I can help.

If you want to know more about Alignment, my group programme to shift identity to purpose and to show you how to be truly happy, check out the link below.

It's my mission. It's my purpose to help you feel happier.

Because you can actually start finding your joy now.

I've got you.

I’ve lived the low and grown into happy.

Let's get happy, let's feel fulfilled. Let's step into our purpose because this is what's going to change the planet.

Now, this is what the world needs more of us being happy and fulfilled and aligned with who we are and our identity and what we're doing.

I truly, truly believe that and I believe in you.

If you want to get your happy on, live to your purpose and change your life: join Alignment here: I WANT A HAPPY LIFE!

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Start with the big chunk and keep it simple to get started.

I wanted to answer a question that was sent to me via private message.

The question was, how do I stay so positive?

Right…

Well, to answer that, all the stuff behind it is quite large, quite in depth. Daily actions, processes, permission etc so I have decided to give you the big chunks to consider first.

I noticed a lot of people here who are new to my world, and this is definitely a learned skill for me.

For those of you that don't know too much about me, I spent a long time being a high functioning, depressed personality.

Lots of times I didn't want to be here. Lots of times I acted on making that my reality.

Obviously I failed ay the premature ending of my life which is a super plus for all of us!

And, you know s a side point, 35 years of telling myself one thing about who I was, (I was a shit human, I was unlovable, I was ugly, useless etc, took a bit of unravelling.

To get started, I want to talk about chunks that can get you started on being more positive.

This isn't a on shop stop, cure for depression, but it's a starting point.

Start with a big chunk, and let's have a trickle-down effect.

I want to talk about three points today.

The first one is Identity.

The biggest thing that you can do is, if you're identifying as something that isn't

Positive, is to think how else could I choose to Identifying this moment?

What is another identity that I could choose to start developing and start feeling into?

Could I get really curious about living as a brighter version of myself, to get me started on the road to feeling more positive about who I am and about my life?

Identity is the big chunk.

Because this is who we are.

This is how we see ourselves, it’s our own personal me story.

Now we are with ourselves 24 hours a day. It doesn't matter what other people is saying, if we're choosing not to listen, or we're deciding that that can't be us. It's really hard to look externally for that shift.

So your identity, it's your responsibility.

Sadly, I don't have a magic wand to just go and change your identity for you.

Identity starts with you.

But the exciting thing is you get a choice, right?

You get to choose.

And every day like my identity is no longer high functioning depressed personality person, my identity is Trudi Sparkles, Australias Happiness Coach, the person who is here with a purpose and a mission, and somebody who wants to make a difference.

That's my identity.

That's the identity that I breathe into every day, because I understand that neurologically, I've wired in a lot of not so positive neural pathways in my brain and sometimes during stress that's the path of least resistance with thinking.

It’s easier to think negatively but I consciously choose to think positively and create my life from there.

Now, I'm not going to go into neurology and everything right now, but identity is the first thing that you want to be thinking of and be aware of, and be curious about and start deciding and start looking and see how you turn up is that identity, because then the next step, step number two, is focus.

If you've been around personal development, you would have heard the saying “what I focus on expands”.

If you haven't been around personal development or coaching, your brain determines what you see. your focus, your identity, and then your focus determines how you see your day, and how things show up for you.

You can Google the reticular activating system, this is the part of the brain that deletes distorts and generalizes all of the information hitting your unconscious.

That is the part of the brain that decides what is important.

Now if you're identifying as somebody who is high functioning, depressing, depressed, depressed, unhappy, sad, your brain is going to filter to find evidence to prove that to be true.

Your Focus is Critical.

I choose to focus on positive things.

I start my day right and this is before I even get out of bed before I even open my eyes. I decide how I want to feel

Every morning when I sit down at my desk, I write three things that I'm really grateful for.

Because that shifts the focus.

If something didn't work that I wanted to work yesterday, I shift the focus back onto the gratitude.

There was a whole thing around the power of gratitude.

For now, trust me, gratitude works. And I focus on the good. I focus on the identity. I focus on how I want to show up, I focus on how I want to feel.

I'm grateful for all I have and am becoming.

And this is a ritual and to progress faster, I recommend you fall in love with the process and make it a ritual.

Identity is the first one that trickles down into focus. You get to focus on what you want, because what you focus on expands, so choose wisely.

Then From There, You Have a Choice.

You're not trapped, you're no longer a victim. It's not external circumstances.

It's called law of cause and effect, you're not an effect of things around you, you can step up and be creative asleep, at cause the how you're feeling what's happening in your life.

It's identity, focus and choice.

And you'll find that when you step back into choice, and you're choosing it from a positive identity and a positive focus, things can't help but start to change, sometimes a little gently.

Sometimes you might notice that it's quite dramatic how these things start changing for you.

But these are the three things for those of you that are looking to consciously decide

to be more positive.

These are the three starting points that I would recommend for you.

• Identity.
• Focus
• Choice

This is the kind of stuff along with the physiology and the mindset, the emotional, this is the stuff that we do in my course Alignment.

If you need support to create these shifts and changes, get support.

You do not have to do this alone, especially if you're feeling quite depressed and if you are still stuck in that identity of a high functioning, depressed personality.

You know, I did it the hard way. I spent 10 plus years going out of my own attempting to figure it out, and not asking for help.

So look around. World class champions, they have coaches, they have support, they have mentors.

The trickle down effect of choosing to be positive, this is your starting point.

And for the person who messaged me, I do this every single day, every single day because I was in the past that person who just could not see any joy in her life.

I feel for you where you're at.

I just wish that somebody had given me a little shake. And told me some of this stuff sooner.

But what's that saying about planting trees? You know, a year ago was the best time today is now the best time if you didn't plant a tree a year ago, so let's get to it.

• Identity
• Focus
• Choice

That's a trickle-down effect worth taking the time to develop.

I do suggest if this topic is of interest to you or you know somebody who needs to hear it, please share it. I know there's so many people out there who are just going through the motions of life.

You don't have to just go through the motions of life.

Trust me, after some of the things that I've lived, you do not have to just go through the motions. Identity focus choice, you get to decide.

And the road doesn't have to be long. It doesn't have to be scary. It doesn't have to be lonely. I gotcha.

And it's not too late to get into the action of my free five day experience to super charge your happy (or to at least get you started the path) Sign up here: SUPER CHARGE ME PLEASE

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Yes! And it's safe to do so!

It’s very, very important for us to release our anger, to express our anger.

There is a way to do it that is healthy, that is safe not end up up (and this is my experience), not end up in a space where we are so pushed that the anger explodes outwards.

So many of us have been taught that expressing anger is a bad thing.

That we have to be polite, and we are taught to suck down those feelings and pretend they don't exist. Yay, because that's really helpful.

I wanted to have a bit of a chat today.

Why do we need to release anger?

It is really important to not allow a build up of anger in our body.

Now, as I said before we get to a point where we feel so push them back into a corner it explodes out. And that can be dangerous for us dangerous for others dangerous the things if we pick them up and throw them in the heat of the moment.

But if we're holding, holding, holding, holding stress, holding anger, holding feelings, it's got to go somewhere. And so it stays in us.

But, you know, in that stress and in that anger, our body starts releasing cortisol, we end up physically hurt and aching from it.

If we're not sharing it and expressing it in a healthy way, we start doing our own heading.

And then what can happen is the situation starts getting built up even bigger and bigger in our mind.

It's important that when things are happening, that upset you hurt you make you angry, but you have a way to express that and we need to learn how to do it safely because No one's ever taught us as young children how to safely express anger.

There's a couple of things that you can do.

This can be a little confronting.

It's giving yourself permission to speak at the time.

At the moment. If somebody says something that pisses you off, instead of walking away going, I should say this and I should have said that and next time I see that person and you know, an internal dialogue, at the time, we say, hey, that's out of line.

When you said this, I felt. Now the big distinction here is we want to avoid blaming other people. You said this, you did this and you made me feel?

No, we don't want to attack the person.

We want to discuss the behavior or the words that were spoken.

That's the first thing.

The second thing is, ultimately, if we say they made us feel and it's their fault, we're operating from a place of effect, instead of a place of cause.

We want to be and take responsibility for how we feel.

Anger is actually a very healthy emotion to have and to experience when we release it and let it go.

So it's like when you said this, I felt like this. This upset me because of x y, z. This has been my experience.

These are my beliefs. I don't feel respected. I don't agree with what you're saying.

These "I" statements, I am, I feel, My experience.

It's about you.

And you are allowed to feel how you feel you are allowed to have you your belief. You've had your experience.

It makes you.

And then when that person goes, Oh, but this is what I believe, then you can start having a dialogue.

But you've expressed helpfully, why you're upset without attacking the other person and putting the blame on them.

If you don't stop blaming and pushing back, the other person is going to puff up like a puffer fish.

And they're going to start feeling that they're on the defensive, and they have to attack back, right.

Of course, there are going to be people (potentially) in your world where it is not safe to express that anger to them directly.

And if that's the case, you still need to be able to release that anger from your body.

Now, I was in a very unhealthy relationship in my 20s and I could not express anger to him. He was very good at gaslighting me and I would feel heaps of shame around how I felt, even though I knew that how I felt was okay and it wasn't wrong.

So if you have somebody like that in your life that you can't get away from, I used to go and scream into a pillow soon as I could. Scream and yell into the pillow and let the emotion and the energy out of my body.

So that go release it that way.

Then talk to my my friends about it and get a healthy perspective.

Something I did with my coach, January 2019, or the end of December 2018.

I was lucky enough because I had a lot of built up anger about paid for towards people in my past he stood in as a proxy and he let me yell and scream at him for 20 minutes, and just let out all of the anger and all of the rage.

That transformed my life.

Finding ways to express your anger in safe ways, is really important for your happiness.

Knowing that being angry is a healthy emotion is really, really important to understand and to allow into your life.

Understanding physically what happens to your body if you hold in lots of anger, like I was such a repressed angry person for such a long time, I developed a habit of just like walking with clenched fists all the time because I couldn't actually physically expressed anger.

I held it in and I would end up with cramps and pain, so bad in my hands and arms from holding it in, because I wasn't expressing it healthfully.

There's physical, mental and emotional ramifications from not letting it out. There are safe ways to do it.

Be aware of your language.

Your feelings are valid.

Remember, it's never about a direct attack at the person he may have bought things up. It's about discussing the point that was made.

If you have any more questions about anger, and how it can lead to happiness, if you want to share anything in the comments, you are always more than welcome to.

Happiness doesn't have to be big, long, complex processes and years and years and years of therapy.

We can simplify our happiness process and this is one of the ways getting comfortable with expressing the anger that we were told as children was not allowed to be expressed.

We get to rewrite the stories of our past and the meaning and what anger means now is it's a healthy emotion when expressed.

What are you doing today to be happy?

I run a free group called Simplified Happiness on FB. Come and join in the conversation there.

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It starts with supporting yourself first, so then you are best set up to support the one you care about.

And not enough people are being told this.

I was asked a question yesterday in a private message about how to support somebody who is depressed.

So whether they’re high functioning, or whether they’re at the stage of really struggling to get out of bed, having been somebody who has functioned in both elements, I wanted to bring my personal experience to this.

The first thing I really want to highlight if you have somebody in your life who is depressed right now, you really need to make sure that you’re being supported through this as well.

It’s very easy to feel like you have to be courageous, you have to be brave, you have to hold it all together for everyone.

While you are doing all of that, please make sure that you are being supported as well in your space.

Being that support person for somebody, you will have often heard me say with coaching: a good coach doesn’t get down in the hole with the person. 

The good coach is putting their hand down to lift the person out.

So it’s really, it’s really important, that you are being looked after so you can stay elevated and lift others up.

I say that with all of the love because there is no reason you need to sacrifice your own joy in living, to support other people who are struggling to find their own.

We have mirror neurons, which means it’s quite natural for us to want to meet people where they’re at. We are biochemically, neurologically developed to do that, so we stay part of the collective.

Your energy dropping down, does not serve anyone who is in the space where they need to be elevating and lifting up.

Sacrificing your own joy is not going to help somebody who is depressed, even though it might feel like the natural thing to do.

An example is if you’re in a relationship with somebody or friends with somebody, and they’re feeling down and flat, sitting down flat with them all of the time and not doing the things that you love DOES.NOT.HELP.

Yes, it’s being supportive, but it’s not helping you and it’s not actually showing them there is another way to live.

When supporting somebody, and this was my own experience, this was something that really helped me.

It was the loving conversation.

You know, I love you. And I see that you’re down g and I see how you are feeling. And I’m here for you. 

But I can’t stop living my life for you.

I’m still going to go out and do the things that make me happy. But please know, I still love you and I’m here.

So the conversation was a little bit more detailed than that. But the energy behind it was I’m not sacrificing myself.

I’m going to show you that life is good.

And I’m always going to encourage you and I’m always going to support you and I’m always going to include you. 

I understand why you might not want to join in and be included all of the time.

But my life isn’t going to stop, because this is where sacrifice thing comes in.

And then we feel like we have to sacrifice we lose our joy in that space.

And we’re not demonstrating a different way of being for the other person. Because you know, neurologically and mirror neurons, we arent giving them the opportunity to match up with us.

Now, this is generalized.

If you are on medication, if you’re seeing a doctor, you’re going to keep doing all of that stuff as well if you’re depressed.

I think medication does have a place in a person’s recovery.

But remember, if you’re the person supporting, there’s no need to sacrifice so go and have the loving conversations.

Stopping your own life isn’t going to help the person who’s depressed.

Chances are they’re going to start layering more guilt and more shame and more judgment on themselves. 

If they see you stopping enjoying your life, I know when I was in that space, it was all they’re unhappy, they’re upset BECAUSE OF ME.

That made me feel even more useless, and strengthened the I’m bad inner talk.

But seeing people go out and have fun in their life and still enjoying it, and being inclusive, even if I wasn’t stepping up all of the time, allowed me when I was in that space to feel loved and still feel a level of okayness if that makes sense.

 There was also a bad side that I experienced which was total abandonment.

 So if you are struggling to support somebody, let them know.

Don’t just disappear.

Don’t just show up and say all right, well, you’ll be all right. I’m out and then disappear from their lives like that.

It’s a fine line, right? You dance, the dance. 

The line where you supporting somebody who’s depressed or anxious or unhappy, but completely disappearing and abandoning them isn’t going to help.

There’s a caveat here though, if it is actually hurting you and causing you damage to be around that and attempting to support them, have the loving conversation and let them know that you’re not abandoning then you actually have to step back and look after yourself first because you’re not able to support and cope with it.

So I know when people were dealing with me when I was in my really, really low spaces, they struggled.

It’s hard when you love somebody and you can see their pain and you want to support them. You know, it’s that dance along the line.

But abandonment is the worst thing that you could do.

That’s the bad side of of managing it. You need to have the loving conversations.

Don’t sacrifice yourself.

I had a former boyfriend take me to the doctor, after I self harmed and had had a failed attempt to end my life.

And he was very loving in that he had the loving conversation with me.

He said he couldn’t keep supporting me like this. And he for his own health, he had to step away.

And it was done in a way where I took a level of responsibility in my own actions.

I understood that this was my choice to behave like this and to feel like this.

It inspired me to start looking for a way to move forward in my own life and let go of being a victim in my own story. 

It gave me the momentum to actually say to myself, I can’t live like this either. I’m losing the people around me. 

There was some abandonment people, there was some very just lovingly step away people, and the lovingly step away, people never made me feel guilty or shame around how I was feeling, because it wasn’t about me it was about them looking after themselves.

So hopefully this has given some people some things to consider and think about.

This is very general. 

If you have a specific situation with somebody where you don’t feel this is quite the right solution for how you would work with them or handle them or support them. That’s fine. This is this is just some foundational things and some ideas You can see if it will fit.

But ultimately, I think the main point of this one, you have to look after you first. 

Sacrificing yourself and your own happiness and your own joy isn’t going to help lift somebody up.

It’s only going to pull you down your energy and all of this really does matter. 

Loving energy for somebody who’s struggling with their mental health is a beautiful thing for them to be able to see, feel and witness.

Because underlying depression, there is so much guilt and shame and fear and judgment around how they feeling on that was definitely for me, if you can support them with love, whether it’s stepping aside what’s up.

That’s what they need.

However you choose to respond, staying as support or to step away, do that lovingly, kindly and gently and making sure that that person has other support in other ways.

That’s actually a beautiful outcome for all.

So your happiness coach is signing off.

I’m looking forward to your thoughts on this.

And if you know anyone who is supporting somebody who is struggling with the identity of being depressed, please feel free to share this with them or tag them or get them to reach out. It’s scary knowing that somebody you love doesn’t want to be here anymore. 

I’ve been on both pillars of the spectrum there.

But I do believe a lot of this can be solved with good loving energy, as well as all the other supports that I spoke about in there as well.

I love you. I pray for your happiness.

Happiness is a choice. You can come back from the brink.

I’ve been on the brink more than once I’ve seen it I’ve looked into the abyss.

I know the pathway out of the dark there is a pathway and whether it’s me or someone else, whoever it is, you are always loved.

• You are always supported.
• You are perfect child of God. You are whole.
• You are whole never forget you are whole.
• You’ve just had experiences in life.
• You’re not broken.
• You’re beautiful.

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A topic that came up in the Simplified Happiness group that I run, was journaling with purpose.

There's a lot of people out there that say you need to journal every night.

And I don't know about you, but for me, at one point, I’d pick up my notebook and be like, what the heck am I supposed to write? Today I did this, I felt like, that didn't seem to have a purpose.

Now, I know there's lots of courses and things out there that you can do if you really want to get stuck into it.

But I thought today I would share what I do. And you can see here I do a lot of different types of journaling, depending on my mood and what I feel the topic/experience in my life requires.

I do three types of journaling.

I write from the perspective of me a year in advance.

Now wrapped around that I've done a lot of work around stepping into my future timeline.

For those of you that haven't done any timeline work, basically it's as simple as going. What do I want my life to look like?

You can imagine that, but then I want you to step forward a month, six months, 12 months in advance, and journal like you're reflecting on what's already happened.

And be super grateful for everything that has occurred.

Now I find when I do this, I get inspired ideas, I get a different perspective, because we know as humans, we're always changing.

We're always growing, we're always improving.

It really is inspired journaling for me.

I like to future journal. So at the end of the year, I journaled as from the perspective of December 2020, and I was reflecting got some really great ideas and insights and into where I wanted to go.

I wrote without filtering, whatever came up, I wrote it down.

This is the fun with future journaling.

Don't filter it, don't start saying yourself, oh, that can't happen.

Step into a space of intention and step into a space of possibility.

What could happen if I let whatever come out, right.

So don't filter when your future journal.

What I also do from a future journaling perspective, is I journal like I am a month ahead in 2020 reflecting on the previous month.

You can break it down to the week, you can do it like for the two days gone, whatever works for you.

That's future journaling at a very sort of basic level.

And then there’s reflective journaling.

It's just reflective journaling, just like at the end of your day.

You might be journaling going, how did I feel about today? What results did I create? What didn't I create? Where did I feel I dropped the ball, what could I do differently to get a better outcome? So that's reflective generally. And that's kind of like writing a diary.

I used to keep a diary for about five years, I wrote a diary every day when I was a teenager.

Wow, was I messed up. I looked back on that once and went, wow there was a whole lot of hurt and pain in there.

But it that also was quite interesting.

I can congratulate myself and celebrate how much I've grown.

In doing that reflective journaling note that is it more like just writing out what happened in your day.

Reflective journaling is exploring what happened and how you showed up and just asking yourself one or two questions about how you could do better, what could improve.

And always, always, always remember when you're journaling, to really feel it and celebrate it and experience the joy, and feel good about whatever you're writing, even if you're writing about something that didn't work out, still feel good about it.

Now, I want to share some journal prompts, which is the third way that you can get into your journaling.

I run a course called Embrace and we look at shadow values.

What I created for the ladies in Embrace was journal prompts around each of the shadow value, so they could reflect where they were at when it came to that value, and start looking for ways to move forward and improve.

Now in the journal prompts, I also combined affirmations as well that they could use to support change.

Attention is one of the shadow values, because quite often we feel bad receiving attention.

We want to feel good about that, right? Because when the more attention we comfortable receiving, the more we can share our work, the more we can show up online, the more we can speak our truth with confidence.

And the easier it is for us to step into our purpose. And the easier it is for us to be happy.

Because if you love attention, but you've got shame, or guilt or judgment wrapped around it, you're denying yourself something that you love.

You're denying yourself your happiness. I love attention, right? Look at me.

All right, so some journal prompts for attention.

When was the first time you remembered receiving attention that felt good?

Were you looking for it or did it just happen?

Ehat does this mean for you receiving attention now?

Does receiving bad attention In the past impact how you receive it now?

What belief was formed in this moment, and what can change to allow you to receive attention, so you not only feel safe, but it feels like something you want to cultivate in your daily life.

If you sat down and journaled on that and, pulled it apart, and came up with action steps of like, Okay, so what do I need to do to feel safe about receiving attention? Okay, I know when I got it, and it felt good. I know when I got in it, it felt bad.

But why am I basing all my beliefs on all this past stuff, if it's not supporting me in the present? And what can I do now to feel good about receiving it right so you can reflect and you can get action steps out of it.

Now, some affirmations if you want some affirmations around attention is I can attract all the positive attention that I desire.

It's safe to get attention and it's my attention.

My getting attention helps other people.

So that's the general prompts and affirmations for attention. What's another one?

Let's do Belonging.

Everyone thinks belonging is a good value.

But if you're staying in spaces that keep you small and contracted and don't feel good, belonging is actually not a positive value. It's contracting you and keeping you small.

What is your relationship like with your family? Do you feel a part of it or disconnected? Does this impact how you relate to non family groups?

Now the reason I asked that is because if you don't have a good relationship with your family, and you're in Facebook groups, for example, and you don't feel good about relating to people, how is that impacting that?

Have you transferred those feelings from potentially from childhood into adulthood? adulthood?

What do you need to feel or design in your life to feel safe, to stay in places that you're celebrated and leave places you are not.

Now with a bit more context around what I teach and Embrace that would make a little bit more sense, potentially, but the affirmation for that I, I choose me first, I choose spaces and communities where I am celebrated. I am safe in my own wind surrounded with the right people.

If you're in Facebook groups that don't celebrate you, support you and uplift you, there's no point being in them. But I know sometimes it can be hard to leave because it feels scary going out on your own.

Leave those groups that don't feel you don't feel supported.

I've had asked some market research question in a group and got torn down and absolutely attacked by this lady.

Well, she wanted to tear me down.

I was just like, all right, you've obviously got some stuff around what you're writing.

I just left the group because there was no support. I wasn't celebrated. I wasn't feeling happy. Excited to be there and I wasn't feeling loved.

This is part of your happiness.

Why would you stay where you are not loved and celebrated online? And in friendship circles and groups, you know? So anyway, that's the belonging one.

Let's have a look rebelliousness.

I love working with the rebellious types.

I am a massive rebel, works for me and against me.

If you're a rebel, here's some good journal prompts for you.

Where in the past, have you been punished for rebelling? In the rebelling when you actually making smart choices? Or was the person attempting to protect you? For you to feel comfortable to break the rules again? What do you need to see feel or hear?

What would it mean for your business outcomes if you decided to allow yourself to do something different to normal business rules?

Now, affirmations challenging the status quo allows me my business to find new Pathways Forward. I'm open to new ways of doing things. Life doesn't change unless I'm willing to do new things. Right?

So that's my tips around journaling.

Let me know what you think.

Feel free to share this if your network needs to know a little bit more about Journaling.

And if you want to join my group simplified happiness, just go to Facebook and search simplified happiness. I’d love to have you a part of it.

Here's to amazing journaling, whether it's future journaling, reflective journaling, or you work with the prompts that I've given you.

Let me know how you go.

Journaling can be healing, cathartic, it can feel really good and it can really set your future up and set you on the pathway to really help you align with your purpose and your vision and your mission.

If you want to work with me on values, identity and removing shame and judgement from your life, Alignment is open for enrolments!

Next live round is starting soon! If you're curious, click here to find out more: http://bit.ly/AlignmentGlobalSparkles

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When we judge we block our ability to receive miracles into our life.

You simply cannot stand back in a place of judgment (which is negative energy that is based in shame, fear, and non-acceptance) an expect to receive the abundance of God/Universal gifts when placing negatively onto others.

What you deny for others you repel for yourself.

When you put out the energy of disgust or anger, it comes back to you.

Yesterday I shared some of my modeling photos from a shoot recently on my global sparkles Facebook page global sparkles TV and put a little caption that just said, you know, I'm finally feeling really good in my body and really healthy and really in love with myself again after, you know, and this is after many years of health issues and depression, a heck of a lot of self-loathing.

And I was really excited.

Now the photos are nude, so I'm not wearing a top.

Oooooh, but I cropped it for sharing on FB.

It was headshots that I was sharing so you couldn't see anything. I was all very chaste.

And I posted them and asked about self-love.

A lady I've never met before, came and posed the question “Is this how you do self-love?”

I'm like, yeah, this is what I do.

You know, I've worked really hard on my health and my fitness and I'm really proud of how I look right now.

I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But apparently this lady thought there was and after being called attention-seeking, want to be insta-model, then said I was just hustling and that women are better than this.

It just like it went on in a very shaming and judgemental tone for awhile.

For someone who's all about women and respect, she certainly wasn't demonstrating any.

And, you know, I'm very blessed to have some amazing people on my page who are, you know, quite open to coming and defending me, right? So it was all fine.

But this isn't what it's about. But I just wanted to pre-frame you and give you some insight into what brought this on.

Because, basically, as I said to this lady, you know, I work with people around shame, around guilt around self-judgment and judgment of others, and fear, and how she was showing up was not respectful.

I also work with shadow values and I recognized this lady was desperately in need of external validation.

She needed to put her beliefs and her values onto somebody else to feel better about herself.

Now not once in the conversation did she actually asked me what I was planning on doing with the photos? Who the photos were full up? Were they going to be displayed publicly? What was it about it that actually really made me feel good?

This was all of her beliefs, all of her values, all of her judgments, that women can only be valued if they're operating and showing up in a way that she thinks is correct.

I felt beautiful in these photos.

I have no shame around them.

I have no guilt around them.

I have no judgment on me.

I have no judgment on her because she's a product of her upbringing and what she's putting out there is just a reflection of what she sees around her and how she's created her own life.

It's really, really important that when you sitting there and you're angry or you're triggered or you're upset by something, or somebody doing something online, and you just want to jump at it and say it's wrong, and it's bad, and it's this, stop and think, and ask yourself if:

You're judging against someone else what's going on in your own internal dialogue, what's happening in your own world, what's missing in your life that you feel gives you permission?

Permission to jump on the keyboard and attack a stranger with only a tiny percentage of the information about their life.

What's missing in your own life that gets this judgment going.

Now, granted I could have torn her into pieces in the comments.

You know, if I was in a bad mood, I probably could have made a cry, because I really could have just tore her down.

But that's not how it works in the world of Global Sparkles.

We want to raise the energy and raise the vibration of those around us.

I sent her love. I prayed for her. If I was a different person she could have really ruined my day.

I ended up going about my day and having a minor car accident after that. You know, even that didn't ruin my day actually.

But you know, it's perspective.

What is right for you isn't necessarily going to be right for the next person.

I was, back in the day, a real keyboard warrior and it was super stressful!

So if it's pissing you off or triggers you look inside as to why, and then scroll on by.

This is what I have trained myself to do when a post on social riles me up.

This is the pathway to happiness, this pathway to raising the vibe vibration of the planet.

Stop the criticism and the judgment and start going, “Hey, how can I show this person love and loving care?”

Somebody did ask me, why was I not like crying in the corner and devastated and angry and fighting back and pushing back.

We've all lived our own life.

We all have our own wounds.

This was somebody who said in her own comments, she'd been 300 pounds she'd been through cancer, raised kids, and she showed up to me as someone who was crying for attention and acknowledgment that her own worth was just as much as mine.

And I really, really want everyone who reads this to remember.

You're all worthy.

You're all whole and complete.

You're all amazing.

You're all fantastic.

You all have just as many opportunities to succeed as I do.

I'm a normal person.

Be careful and just be aware and just think twice before you spew out anger and rage and frustration at strangers on the internet.

Is it really going to help that lady? Is she going to stop me from modeling and posing and doing the things that I love?

No.

But I also know that kind of vitriol could actually really impact other people and you only know what you're seeing in front of you at that moment. Remember there's a person, a human, who has feelings and emotions on the other side of the screen.

And remember if someone who doesn’t know you, comments negatively or hurtfully on something you have shared, it’s usually all about them.

You're showing them something they need to work on or acknowledge in their own lives.

I feel deliciously beautiful and feminine and had photos taken to record that in my life.

Do what feels good for you.

You don't have to be mean to other people and you are allowed to block people who are mean to you.

There are more joyful ways to express your opinions.

If you would like to listen to my story, click on the video below:

Any questions post in the comments, let me know your thoughts and I will straight again soon.

If you want to join me for free training, keep reading.

This is for you if you’re doing well but feel guilt, shame or lack of fulfillment in your day to day life and crave more.

Sign up below and I’ll share with you the four core elements of self, that when embodied allow you the joy of living a happy and fulfilled life.

Register here: http://bit.ly/thehappinessmatrix

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